Governor Mark Sanford (R-South Carolina) is the latest high-profile politico to follow his cock to a remote location with a woman not his wife. The media is shocked! His speech about how darn sorry he is that he has “let down” his wife, his four sons, his friends, and his constituents sounded like every other speech you’ve ever heard from the same tired yet inevitable asshole. Wouldn’t it be marvelous to hear someone actually tell the truth about one of these garden-variety sexual debacles?  

How about this…..? 

“I was sick and tired and bored with the sex I was getting from my wife even though she is a loyal and lovely woman. I was craving danger, the smell and feel of a hot, wet, new female, and the kind of explosive orgasms that had long since become a dim memory in my marriage. Of course I’m sorry I got caught because if I hadn’t, I’d still be fucking her every which way but loose. When she had my cock in her mouth I couldn’t even remember I have four sons. The sexual drive in a man like me who is on the brink of becoming old is so deeply intertwined with my naturally narcissistic power-hungry personality and my waning testosterone levels that my dick has become far, far more important to me than God, Country or Family.” 

Refreshing huh? Don’t hold your breath. The truth is extinct, or at least on the heavily endangered list. 

Perhaps we should start a campaign to bring Truth back. It would be costly, but maybe, in the long run, worth it. Restoration of respect for The Truth would immediately resurrect The Theatre, (which has been dead for many, many years) and immediately destroy Religion, which is thriving on bigotry and war all over this bigoted, war-torn planet. (I don’t equate Religion with Faith by the way. Faith is about Hope. Religion is about Fear and Manipulation.) 

“Up With The Truth” would have to be a grass roots movement though. That would be pretty fuckin cool, doncha think? Each of us would have to start in our own small way, in our own little lives. Pretense would be banished in favor of authenticity, and blunt openness would overtake politeness. Very scary stuff. Think of all the clichés we rely upon every day that would suddenly be unavailable to us. No more could you answer the check-out clerk’s query of “How are you today?” with “Fine”. Instead you’d have to say, “Well, being a Percocet addict, and having had an extra one this morning because my lower back hurts like a motherfucker today, I’m actually even a bit foggier than usual, and a little crankypants too because Percocet prevents me from getting a hard-on. I would ask you how you are dear, but I truly don’t care, as I’m completely self-absorbed. Ciao!”  

Rude? Certainly. But a helluva lot more authentic than “Great!” 

That’s only the bottom rung of the ladder though. Telling the truth to your spouse? About everything? To your children? To your parents? The very idea is preposterous, frightening, impossible, no?  

But all of that prospective terror is a piece of proverbial cake compared to the true bottom line: Telling the truth to yourself. 

You’re thinking: He’s written about this before. Forgive me. Our human fascination with self-deception continues to fascinate me. Following are a few of my favorite truest quotes about Truth from some truly Googleable heavyweights.  

If you linger on each for just a few moments, I promise a door will open somewhere that will illuminate something you have long avoided or wrestled with, but have never seen or solved. Linger even longer, and that opened door can lead to a corridor that opens on a field of light. (Hey! I made that up! Pretty fuckin poetic huh? But I believe it to be true. Nothing is truly sadder than a closed door.) 

OK, here are my top 11 pics….. 

ONE. A man should never put on his best trousers when he goes out to battle for freedom and truth.  (Henrick Ibsen) 

TWO. As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.  (Josh Billings) 

THREE. Pain is the doorway to wisdom and to truth.  (Keith Miller) 

FOUR. There are only two people who can tell you the truth about yourself: an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly.  (Antisthenes) 

FIVE. There is no poison on earth more potent, nor half so deadly, as a partial truth mixed with passion.  (Michael J. Tucker) 

SIX. In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours.  (Willie Brown) 

SEVEN. What motivates me in art is the ugly and beautiful nature of the truth.  (Corin Nemec) 

EIGHT. We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.  (Pablo Picasso) 

NINE. I think heterosexuality and homosexuality are a kind of psychosis, and the truth is somewhere in the middle.  (Jeanette Winterson) 

TEN. The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.  (Adolf Hitler) 

ELEVEN. During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.  (George Orwell)