What else but Love could you possibly argue for? Money? Sex? Power? Work? Career?

There’s no joy in any of them, unless they bring love. The only two that ever worked for me were Sex and Work. I loved sex when it was an expression of love (otherwise I was fairly indifferent, even with the now-famous hard-on), and I loved work when it was creative (read: an act of love).

The others just always seem like a means to some other end. So many people with money and power are unhappy. Certainly not a new idea, and certainly true.

Here are some love substitutes that invariably lead to unhappiness, usually by the well-worn route of self-delusion: Duty (read: I should, and if I don’t want to, I’ll pretend I do), Commitment (read: I must continue, as opposed to I want to continue, probably out of fear of re-negotiation), Possessiveness (read: You can’t love more than one person at a time, sexually or otherwise), Deception (read: If I let you see who I really am, you can’t possibly love me), Fear (read: I’ll end up alone if I don’t keep pretending to myself and/or you that this is actually love).

Why is Love the Big Kahuna? Because when there is love, everything else that is good and true follows after it.

Here are some Love clinger-afters: Trust, Empathy, Understanding, Growth, Forgiveness, Joy, and that lovely glowing skin everyone tries to sell you out of a bottle on late-night infomercials.

Here are some Duty clinger-afters: Resentment, Bitterness, Victimization.

Here are some Commitment clinger-afters: Indifference, Ritual, Boredom, Repression.

Here are some Possessiveness clinger-afters: Jealousy, Insecurity, Co-dependence.

Here are some Deception clinger-afters: Betrayal, Blindness, Denial.

And lastly, the Fear clinger-afters: Lack of Experience, Lack of Adventure, Lack of Life and Lack of Love.

VIC’s LOVE Q & A

Q: How do you create love in your life?   A: Give it away to others.

Q: What’s the difference between unconditional and conditional love?  A: This is a trick question: If it’s not unconditional, it’s not love. Conditional love isn’t love at all, it’s barter.

Q: So you’re saying the phrase “unconditional love”, or UL, is redundant.  A: Yep, I am.

Q: Why is it so hard for me to give unconditional love?  A: Probably because you never got any, so you have no one to model when attempting to give it. But don’t despair! Just because you didn’t get it doesn’t mean you can’t learn to give it.

Q: How do I learn to give love when I never got any myself?  A: Start by pretending you’re giving it to yourself. You want it bad, right? So, grab a big armful out of thin air, and throw it up above you, letting it flutter all over you like passionate confetti. Do this several times, perhaps many, many times, and then one time, when you’re just about to feel it come tickling down all over you, jump out da way, and grab the arm of someone standing near you, pulling that unsuspecting soul into the spot where the love is raining down.

For Extra credit: Watch your love rain all over them, and take as much joy in it as when it was raining on you. Rinse and Repeat.

Q: What if I give someone unconditional love, but then they treat me like shit?  A: Just keep giving them the love, but remove yourself when they are handing out their shit. You don’t have to accept their shit, you just have to keep giving out your love.  Remember this is not an exchange. Unconditional love is given freely, without caring what you get in return.

Q: But why would I give love to someone who gives me shit back? Don’t you have to be Jesus or Buddha or Mia Farrow or somebody like that to pull that shit off?  A: No, actually, you don’t. That’s a convenient excuse if you don’t really want to give UL. The act is of giving only, not of giving and getting back. If that feels to you as if you are getting cheated, or being taken advantage of, perhaps a career in finance may suit you better than that of lover. But if you keep giving, past the shit, you may notice the shit can start changing into something more like fertilizer, and as you keep giving the love, then the fertilizer may morph into top soil, and before you know it, there could be some Calla-Lilies beginning to bloom.

Q: OK, OK, but I’m an Actor. Can I give unconditional love? Or is narcissism the silent killer of UL?  A: Not at all. (You must be unintentionally modeling John Cassavetes in Rosemary’s Baby.) As an actor, start by trying to give your UL to the script and forget about the other actors for now. Figure out why the writer wrote it in the first place, where the passionate idea that drives the thing IS, and get behind it, no matter what your own, personal, possibly even petty reaction might be. Fill in all the ideas with your own experience of life, love, courage, sex, and fearless vitality.

Q: Isn’t all this talk about unconditional love really just a bunch a baloney?  A: No, asshole, it’s not.  Q: Well how come I’m not getting any then? Why are you calling me an asshole, you UL hypocrite?  A. My mistake, I’m sorry. I just get a kick out of the A-hole word. You look scared. Come over here. Relax a minute. I’m just going to put my arms around you.  Q: Why? I don’t want— A: Can I just try it?  Q: Well—

A holds Q. 

Loosely at first, so as not to exacerbate fear or suspicion.

Q begins to relax slightly, as A envelops Q with a hug learned and then perfected from her Aunt Fran on her 12^th birthday.

The Lights dim slowly, as Q slowly rests his head on A’s shoulder, humming softly, in spite of himself.